At which point I realise I'm going to die in this city, either in my freezing flat or one of these boiling underground bars, I wonder which pub / club / subterranean sex sewer you're in right now and consider calling you and admitting that yes, I may have told the occasional lie in the name of keeping you awake and enthralled and caring and I'm sorry, I know it shouldn't ever be that way but sometimes it seems I get desperate and end up dying to be talked to, dying to be talked about and just dying, because my body breaks a little more every day - some nights my legs just stop taking orders and once I went blind for half an hour and now I find myself more and more trapped alone on bathroom floors, trying to sing along to my screaming speakers, trying to find a little comfort in sound and some nights it comes but some nights it doesn't

You came over and labelled everything in my kitchen unsafe
But there's no need I just assume the things I want will hurt me these days

I demanded that you crucify me with your kisses, so you did and every limb that your lips touched instantly fell to the bed and it felt to me like a tower block imploding but it felt to you like nothing. Whenever I leave the house now I try not to buy books or films that'll only make me cry, you touch my loose left hand and say I'll be able to handle them one day but now is not the time. (There's always someone stunning descending a staircase that's never going to talk to us)

You came over and labelled everything in my kitchen unsafe
But there's no need I just assume the things I want will hurt me these days

And I can say that's it, John's right, I refuse to be a body but even I refuse to be a body I will still be a body to everyone else, you cannot separate the self from it's container and I will not sacrifice my self because my self is all I've got - and we are all the weaker for it, we are ugly, we are stupid, we make mistakes, we fuck up constantly, we are mean without reason, we are weak.

But if you can forgive that, if you can live with me and my failing body, the failing body that throws me down on the floors of my friends and makes me say insufferable things - if you can forgive that, I will be whatever you need me to be - I will be your warm body, I will be your empty bed, I will be distant until summoned and I will love you, I will love you without doubt, without reason, without question, I will love you and then I'll be dead

If the things I want are gonna hurt me then I think we can safely assume the things you want are going to hurt you too.